some history
First, I want to thank the Lord for enabling me to put down in words on this website what He has been showing my spirit since I was a child. I couldn't have imagined how that would be possible fifteen years ago, but I believe He has made it happen.
Thank you Kelvin Benjamin for your photography,
you are appreciated and loved, more than you know.
you are appreciated and loved, more than you know.
I apologise for my limited grammar skills; I am not a writer by any means, in fact I
achieved low grades at school, so I am grateful for the spell checker, and thesaurus on my PC.
achieved low grades at school, so I am grateful for the spell checker, and thesaurus on my PC.
I have been writing on this website since the end of 2013. It is the accumulation of about twenty years of written and audio notes, as I felt led by the Spirit to record, and another twenty-five years before that, when the Lord was showing me exactly how our enemy has been successfully and strategically stealing our faith in what God has already given us.
My born-again walk with Jesus began under a large canvas marquee at a Bible camp in the south of England in the summer of 1975, when I was twelve years old. Although throughout all those years, I could never find the words to express what it was that the Lord was showing my spirit, I always knew that the oneness of the body of Christ and my very faith itself in Christ were for me completely inseparable, regardless of Satan's relentless worldly bombardments of lies that we have all suffered and been exposed to from the very first day we were born again, telling us otherwise and building this 'stronghold' or 'backdrop' in our belief.
The Lord has always shown me this bombardment like a relentless rainstorm of lies, and every one of those droplets' only function was to saturate us with unbelief in what our Father has already given us. He always told me to watch carefully every deceiving droplet because one day 'you will share with My Church what I am showing you now.'
But the thought of this has always been terrifying to me. I'd usually bunk off school on the day we had drama class because I was petrified with fear of being seen up in front of my own classmates. I'd imagine the hostility I would face confronting the religiosity that God was showing me had infiltrated His beautiful Church.
So I have spent nearly all my adult life running away, hiding, and trying to ignore and suppress everything the Lord was showing me, resulting in drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol in an attempt to subdue the pain of living a life that wasn't true to who I knew was living inside me.
So many mistakes that I'm not proud of, so many encounters with darkness, violence, and death, leading to endless despair, grief, and hopelessness—years of severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Often, I'd wake up with empty bottles in church graveyards, ditches, doorways, and police cells, from the UK to the US and Mexico, and beyond. I'd beg Him to free me from this life, and through it all, I'd desperately try to convince Him that He had made a big, very big, miscalculation regarding myself.
But no matter how much I begged Him for the relief of it all to end, the end it seemed just wouldn't come, regardless of the dangerous situations I deliberately put myself in. Death and escape always remained just a few seconds or inches away, yet He always brought me through at the very last moment.
My born-again walk with Jesus began under a large canvas marquee at a Bible camp in the south of England in the summer of 1975, when I was twelve years old. Although throughout all those years, I could never find the words to express what it was that the Lord was showing my spirit, I always knew that the oneness of the body of Christ and my very faith itself in Christ were for me completely inseparable, regardless of Satan's relentless worldly bombardments of lies that we have all suffered and been exposed to from the very first day we were born again, telling us otherwise and building this 'stronghold' or 'backdrop' in our belief.
The Lord has always shown me this bombardment like a relentless rainstorm of lies, and every one of those droplets' only function was to saturate us with unbelief in what our Father has already given us. He always told me to watch carefully every deceiving droplet because one day 'you will share with My Church what I am showing you now.'
But the thought of this has always been terrifying to me. I'd usually bunk off school on the day we had drama class because I was petrified with fear of being seen up in front of my own classmates. I'd imagine the hostility I would face confronting the religiosity that God was showing me had infiltrated His beautiful Church.
So I have spent nearly all my adult life running away, hiding, and trying to ignore and suppress everything the Lord was showing me, resulting in drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol in an attempt to subdue the pain of living a life that wasn't true to who I knew was living inside me.
So many mistakes that I'm not proud of, so many encounters with darkness, violence, and death, leading to endless despair, grief, and hopelessness—years of severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Often, I'd wake up with empty bottles in church graveyards, ditches, doorways, and police cells, from the UK to the US and Mexico, and beyond. I'd beg Him to free me from this life, and through it all, I'd desperately try to convince Him that He had made a big, very big, miscalculation regarding myself.
But no matter how much I begged Him for the relief of it all to end, the end it seemed just wouldn't come, regardless of the dangerous situations I deliberately put myself in. Death and escape always remained just a few seconds or inches away, yet He always brought me through at the very last moment.
I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. Job 19:20
Afterward, when the dust had settled, He'd show me how He'd carried me through that particular valley, detailing what He'd taught me about Himself, about the trust and faith I can have in Him, and what He was requiring from me, and about His incomprehensible love for me, for His Church, and every soul who had ever lived.
I'd like to take this opportunity to say how sorry I am to all those dear people that I have hurt over the years because none of them or those situations have ever had my full attention; my thoughts have always been elsewhere. I've found it very challenging to see anything else in the 'real world' as important to me as the disastrous consequences of Satan's catastrophic deception.
I've been involved in many churches and ministries, and we always wanted to reach the lost with the 'good news,' yet because of this deception, we were all voluntarily operating without our best weapon. No matter what I said or tried to share with other Christians and leaders about what God was showing me, I could never find the right words; my heart was always broken.
At the time, I always mistakenly took that rejection very personally and deeply, often retreating to my 'cave' for months or even years. I'd have the biggest one-man pity parties, saying to myself and hoping God was listening, 'They don't want their oneness.'
I found myself living on the streets of California, stealing my alcohol and crying out to God every day for help. I'm grateful that Victory Outreach, San Diego picked me up (thanks to JBG, brother) and welcomed me into their holy, spirit-filled 'men's home' in Dulzura, up in the mountains east of San Diego, alongside around 100 other ex-heroin and crack addicts, many of whom were ex-gang members with bullet holes. I would have been in my early thirties at the time.
This would have been around February 1996. I completed the program and was gratefully blessed out after 15 months by Joe and Martha Cruz, who will always live in my heart. In all that time, I was never asked by that ministry for even a penny, which was lucky because I never had a penny or a cent.You may recognize the cross at Mount Helix, featured at the top of these pages. After I graduated, I used to love going up there, often taking seasoned brothers from the home with permission. One younger brother, Chris, played in the youth band and would sit in the back seat of the V8 car the church had lent me, singing a new praise and worship song every day that the Lord was giving him as we drove. It was amazing, and I loved our time together. I still miss that brother; he was quite happy to listen to me going on about our oneness, and he encouraged me greatly. Thank you, Chris.
I stayed in that church for three years or more. Pastor Sonny Arguinzoni was the pastor there at one time, and I listened to him intently and was always blessed. He even went out of his way to shake my hand once, which meant a lot to me at the time because I had great respect for him. I learned and received so much love and knowledge in that place. The new church, which I saw refurbished from an old government unemployment office, was where Pastor Tony Guzman was my pastor. He baptized me there, and I can't tell you how much God used him to spiritually bless me.
I stayed in that church for three years or more. Pastor Sonny Arguinzoni was the pastor there at one time, and I listened to him intently and was always blessed. He even went out of his way to shake my hand once, which meant a lot to me at the time because I had great respect for him. I learned and received so much love and knowledge in that place. The new church, which I saw refurbished from an old government unemployment office, was where Pastor Tony Guzman was my pastor. He baptized me there, and I can't tell you how much God used him to spiritually bless me.
I cannot put into words the value and my gratitude for the teaching that I learned in both of these amazing ministries, which, coincidentally, if you believe in coincidence, are sister ministries with both their roots going back to David Wilkerson. So I'm sure you'll understand how it was that I was reading 'Run Baby Run', one of Nicky Cruz's books, and happened to come across this quote.
In 2012, in my late forties, I was back in the depths of despair after my dear Michelle unexpectedly died. I blamed God because nothing made any sense to me then. Teen Challenge London came to my rescue and opened their doors of love and healing to me. These photos were taken just after I completed the program – quite a difference from the mess I was in when I arrived. Thank you, Javier and my brothers there;
God bless you all.
I'd like to take this opportunity to say how sorry I am to all those dear people that I have hurt over the years because none of them or those situations have ever had my full attention; my thoughts have always been elsewhere. I've found it very challenging to see anything else in the 'real world' as important to me as the disastrous consequences of Satan's catastrophic deception.
I've been involved in many churches and ministries, and we always wanted to reach the lost with the 'good news,' yet because of this deception, we were all voluntarily operating without our best weapon. No matter what I said or tried to share with other Christians and leaders about what God was showing me, I could never find the right words; my heart was always broken.
At the time, I always mistakenly took that rejection very personally and deeply, often retreating to my 'cave' for months or even years. I'd have the biggest one-man pity parties, saying to myself and hoping God was listening, 'They don't want their oneness.'
I found myself living on the streets of California, stealing my alcohol and crying out to God every day for help. I'm grateful that Victory Outreach, San Diego picked me up (thanks to JBG, brother) and welcomed me into their holy, spirit-filled 'men's home' in Dulzura, up in the mountains east of San Diego, alongside around 100 other ex-heroin and crack addicts, many of whom were ex-gang members with bullet holes. I would have been in my early thirties at the time.
This would have been around February 1996. I completed the program and was gratefully blessed out after 15 months by Joe and Martha Cruz, who will always live in my heart. In all that time, I was never asked by that ministry for even a penny, which was lucky because I never had a penny or a cent.You may recognize the cross at Mount Helix, featured at the top of these pages. After I graduated, I used to love going up there, often taking seasoned brothers from the home with permission. One younger brother, Chris, played in the youth band and would sit in the back seat of the V8 car the church had lent me, singing a new praise and worship song every day that the Lord was giving him as we drove. It was amazing, and I loved our time together. I still miss that brother; he was quite happy to listen to me going on about our oneness, and he encouraged me greatly. Thank you, Chris.
I stayed in that church for three years or more. Pastor Sonny Arguinzoni was the pastor there at one time, and I listened to him intently and was always blessed. He even went out of his way to shake my hand once, which meant a lot to me at the time because I had great respect for him. I learned and received so much love and knowledge in that place. The new church, which I saw refurbished from an old government unemployment office, was where Pastor Tony Guzman was my pastor. He baptized me there, and I can't tell you how much God used him to spiritually bless me.
I stayed in that church for three years or more. Pastor Sonny Arguinzoni was the pastor there at one time, and I listened to him intently and was always blessed. He even went out of his way to shake my hand once, which meant a lot to me at the time because I had great respect for him. I learned and received so much love and knowledge in that place. The new church, which I saw refurbished from an old government unemployment office, was where Pastor Tony Guzman was my pastor. He baptized me there, and I can't tell you how much God used him to spiritually bless me.
I cannot put into words the value and my gratitude for the teaching that I learned in both of these amazing ministries, which, coincidentally, if you believe in coincidence, are sister ministries with both their roots going back to David Wilkerson. So I'm sure you'll understand how it was that I was reading 'Run Baby Run', one of Nicky Cruz's books, and happened to come across this quote.
In 2012, in my late forties, I was back in the depths of despair after my dear Michelle unexpectedly died. I blamed God because nothing made any sense to me then. Teen Challenge London came to my rescue and opened their doors of love and healing to me. These photos were taken just after I completed the program – quite a difference from the mess I was in when I arrived. Thank you, Javier and my brothers there;
God bless you all.
2013 Teen Challenge London
I cannot express my gratitude to all my pastors and leaders over the years, including my Sunday school teachers going back to 1966-7. I still have precious birthday cards from them (thanks to my lovely mum, I imagine). I've realized over the years that Sunday school is such an important ministry, and I want to thank all those who helped me – thank you. And of course, my awesome mum and late dad, who took me there every week and taught me the Lord's Prayer, which I was encouraged to say every night before bed. I will always be grateful to them for my secure and stable childhood; I know not all of us have been so fortunate.
I've learned a very difficult lesson along the way: believing that we are not good enough for the purpose God has called us to is not being humble; it is, in fact, the very opposite. It is telling God that we think, in our wisdom, we know better than Him.
So my goal now is to finish my 'purpose' – what God began in me as a twelve-year-old.
I've learned a very difficult lesson along the way: believing that we are not good enough for the purpose God has called us to is not being humble; it is, in fact, the very opposite. It is telling God that we think, in our wisdom, we know better than Him.
So my goal now is to finish my 'purpose' – what God began in me as a twelve-year-old.
LAND AHOY
Love in the oneness of Christ
Stephen David
Love in the oneness of Christ
Stephen David