Firstly, I apologise for my limited grammar skills, I am not a writer by any means, in fact I was slow at school achieving low grades, so I am grateful for the spell checker, and thesaurus on my pc.
Thank you Kelvin Benjamin for your photography, you are an appreciated brother in Christ to me.
I have been writing on to this website since the end of 2013,
it is the accumulation of about twenty years of written and audio notes, as I felt led by the Spirit to record.
The truth of the Spiritual oneness of the Body of Christ,
and the power within, was laid on my heart
(as I know it was with all of us)
from the very beginning of my walk with Jesus.
My born again walk with Him began under a large canvas canopy at a Bible camp in the south of England aged twelve years old, in the summer of 1975.
Although throughout all those years, I could never find the words to express what it was that the Lord was showing my Spirit,
I always knew that the oneness of the body of Christ,
and my very faith itself in Christ was for me
regardless of Satan's relentless worldly bombardments
that we have all been exposed to,
from the very first day we were born again,
telling us otherwise, that built this 'stronghold' or 'backdrop'.
The Lord has always shown me this bombardment like a torrential rainstorm of lies, and every one of those droplet's only function was, when added together, would saturate us with unbelief in what our Father has already given us.
To steal the power that is inherently ours from the day we were born again spiritually into Jesus, God Himself,
which we once knew the day we first met the Lord,
before the 'rains'.
He always told me to watch carefully every droplet,
because one day
"you will tell My Church what I am showing you".
But the thought of this has always been terrifying to me,
the boy who usually bunked off school on the day
we had drama class because I was petrified with fear of being seen up in front of my own classmates.
I'd imagine the hostility I would face confronting the religiosity that God was showing me had infiltrated
His beautiful Church.
So I have spent nearly all my adult life running away,
hiding and trying to ignore and suppress everything the Lord was showing me, resulting in drinking copious and dangerous amounts of alcohol, in an attempt to subdue the pain of living a life that wasn't true to who I knew was living inside of me.
So many mistakes that I am not proud of, so many encounters with darkness, violence, and death, leading to endless despair, grief and hopelessness, years of severe depression and suicidal thoughts.
Often waking up with empty bottles in church graveyards, ditches, doorways and police cells, from the UK to the US and Mexico, and beyond. Begging Him to free me from this life, and through it all desperately trying to convince Him that He had made a big, very big miscalculation regarding myself.
But no matter how much I begged Him for the relief of it all to end, the end it seemed just wouldn't come, regardless of the dangerous situations I deliberately put myself in. Death and escape always remained a few seconds or inches away,
yet He always brought me through
at the very last moment.
I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. Job 19:20
Afterwards, when the dust had settled, He'd show me
how He'd carried me through that particular valley,
detailing what He'd taught me about Himself,
about the trust and faith He was requiring from me,
and His incomprehensible love for me,
for His Church, and every soul who had ever lived.
I would like to take this opportunity to say how sorry I am to all those people that I have hurt over the years, because none of them or the situations have ever had my full attention,
my thoughts have always been elsewhere, I have found it very challenging to stay focused on what is known as the 'real world'.
All I have ever really been able to focus on and want to talk about is Satan's catastrophic deception, and the calamitous effect it has been having on the army of God reaching the billions of lost and agonized souls in this world.
He has mocked me all the way, telling me that I can do nothing, and I think the hardest thing about that at the time, was he used
my own pastors, leaders and Christian brothers to tell me so.
To hear that your own church and inner circle of Christians,
are tired of you 'keeping on' about the same old thing,
I found disheartening beyond words.
At the time, I always mistakenly took that rejection very personally and deeply, often taking myself off and
back to my 'cave' for months, often years.
I will never forget when a leader told me,
"you keep on about unity, you're starting to cause division",
I did think that was quite funny.
I would turn it all over in my head,
asking myself "why do they preach that God can do all things, that His Name is above all names,
and He can use anyone,
even the foolish".
I would conclude that it must be that my leaders considered me to be less able than the most foolish fool, I allowed Satan
to have a field day with me.
Of course, I realise now that it was nothing to do with me,
the Lord showed me that their eyes were on the 'mountain',
they couldn't hear what I was really saying.
It didn't seem to matter what combination of words I tried to use,
all they heard was "we need more unity",
but I was never saying that.
I love them all very much now, I understand that it was all part of God's plan, it was never meant to be any other way.
I would like to thank every Christian teacher and leader who has ever invested in me over the years, I have been blessed with pastors and leaders of the highest order.
Finding myself living on the streets of San Diego, stealing my alcohol and crying out to God every day to help me.
I cannot describe my gratitude that Victory Outreach,
San Diego picked me up (via JBG thank you brother) and welcomed me into their holy, spirit-filled 'men's home' in Dulzura up in the mountains east of San Diego, alongside around 100 other ex-heroin and crack addicts, most were ex-gang members, many with bullet holes, I would have been in my early thirties.
This would have been around Feb 1996, I completed the program and was blessed out after 15 months by Joe and Martha Cruz, who I will always have an eternal love and gratitude for, in all that time I was never asked for even a penny,
which was lucky because I never had a penny or a cent.
You may recognize the cross at Mount Helix, top of these pages. After I graduated I used to love to go up there, often taking with permission, seasoned brothers from the home.
I stayed in that church for three years or more.
Pastor Sonny was the pastor there at one time, and I listened to him intently and was always blessed.
He even went out of his way and shook my hand,
I learned and received so much love and knowledge in that place, the new church, which I saw refurbished
From an old government dole office,
pastor Guzman was my pastor then, and he baptized me there.
2012 in my late forties, I was back in the depths of despair, after my Michelle unexpectantly died, Teen Challenge London came to my rescue and opened their doors of love and healing to me.
The photo above was taken just after I completed the program,
some difference to the mess I was in when I arrived,
thank you ,Javier and brothers, God bless you all.
I cannot put into words the value and my gratitude for the teaching that I learned in both of these amazing ministries,
that coinsidentaly, (if you believe in coincidence) are sister ministries, with both their roots going back to David Wilkinson.
I'm sure you will understand why I believe Nicky Cruz
is a giant in the army of God.
Plus of course all my other pastors and leaders over the years,
including my Sunday school teachers going back to 1966-7,
I know that Sunday school is such an important ministry.
And of course my awesome mum and late dad
who took me there every week, and taught me the Lord's prayer which I was encouraged to say every night before bed.
I will always be grateful to them for my secure and stable childhood, because as we know,
not all of us have been so fortunate.
To all those Christian leaders who taught me over the years, that regardless of our own opinion of ourselves,
God really can use anyone, if we are available.
I've learned that believing in our heart that we are not good enough for the purpose God has called us to, is not being humble, it is in fact, the very opposite, telling Him that we in our wisdom know better than Him.
I guess I'm going to find out if they were right, that God can use anyone, because alas, I have discovered that there is now nowhere left for me to run, or hide.
So it is from this place of surrender, that I present to you
to the best of my ability, what was impregnated in my spirit as a child, has occupied most of my thoughts ever since,
and that I wholeheartedly believe
(and always have done),
that this is the revelation and free gift of power,
that the Bride has been waiting,
praying and crying out for,
since I can remember.
I also believe that our enemy knows that it will change everything
on the global battlefield forever, and that it will be catastrophic
for his army of darkness in this world, he will resist us with everything he has, yet the battle is already won.
I ask you to be mindful and prepared for his onslaught of
subtle spiritual attacks as you wrestle with this revelation,
seek and trust only the Holy Spirit and His presence.
Our enemy will, without doubt, try to keep you focused away
and onto his human logic and understanding.
So when he does, please remind him
that it wouldn't be very logical, at the sound of 'land ahoy'
to look and scrutinize the crow's-nest, before looking very,
very carefully out at the horizon first.
Love in the oneness of Christ
Love in the oneness of Christ